Tall People Insults & How To Return Fire

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Best Tall People Insults

Insults are a funny thing aren’t they. They can act as a way to break the ice when meeting someone for the first time, or as a way to mask ones own insecurities by transferring the attention onto someone else that looks, behaves, interacts differently.

Being a tall person myself, I have come across some of the best tall people insults out there. More often than not, they are used in a humorous way. Which by the way, I’m totally fine with. I have a good sense of humor.

But on the odd occasion there is some malice intent behind theses comments, which I don’t particularly like. But like I said earlier, its a way for someone to deal with their own insecurities. Picking on someone else so the attention is not on their flaws. I get that, so I usually don’t give these people the time of day.

Is An Insult Ever Humorous Tho

Some people may question my thinking of saying that a insult can be humorous. In my opinion it can be acceptable provided you have an existing relationship with the person and its not a hurtful personal comment. No body shaming people.

If its a simple tall person joke, because I’m tall, then I don’t see the harm in that. But mind you, I’ve heard many of them a million times before. So it does get a bit redundant at times.

Much like the things you shouldn’t say to a tall person for the simple fact we’ve heard it a thousand times already.

Be Mindful Of Self Conscious People

Also if the person is self conscious about their height, it might not be a good idea to throw around tall people insults. You may not think height is an issue worth worrying about, but believe me, lots of people are self conscious about their height. Just like any other physical appearance attribute on the human body.

So use a bit of common sense before you start blurting out these tall person insults mentioned below. I may be able to handle them and take them in my stride, but other tall people may be a little more wary of these kind of jokes directed at a feature of their body that they have absolutely no control over.

Insults Aimed At Tall People

Best Tall People Jokes


Insults that you can use on tall people upon meeting them for the first time, provided the tall person has a sense of humor. Remember the aim of the game isn’t to get hammered over the head to the point where you come away from the encounter even shorter.

  • A tall person asks you what you do for a living and you tell them. But before you ask them what they do for a living you simply say – Don’t tell me, you’re a stay at home astronaut.

The obvious response to this is of course – I recognize you from somewhere, didn’t you play a role in that movie ‘Honey I Shrunk The Kids’.

  • The ever so classic – Hows the weather up there? Or are you getting a signal up there?

The tall persons response is quite simple – Hows the dirt down there anyways?. Or another way to reverse the insult is too reassure the person that there’s no need to worry, you will hit puberty eventually and you too will grow taller.

How to make fun at a tall person


A Somewhat Hurtful Insult Towards A Tall Person

I certainly wouldn’t use this insult on someone I just met as it can be quite demeaning when you think about it.

  • Did you know the giraffe is the tallest living animal? Tall person responds with ‘they sure are’ then you respond with But they’re pretty much futile animals otherwise.

This is when the tall person realizes you have compared them to a useless animal, only recognized for their height.

  • Do you believe in God? I heard that God expresses his disappointment by making the sinners taller people.

No I don’t believe in god, but you remind me of the 8th dwarf that no one remembers or cares about.

Funny Insults For Tall People

Return Fire On The Tall Person

Whether you’re tall or short, chances are you have been the butt of many jokes. If you have felt personally attacked by a taller person, statistics are sometimes on your side.

  • For example, you can quite easily slip into any conversation – Oh that’s great, but did you know statistically speaking, tall people die younger.

While its not a threat, it makes you stop and think, “is this guy threatening me?” When in truth, statistically speaking, shorter people have longer lifespans.

A tall person could respond with some more statistics and mention that taller people make more money and by the way, did you now it’s cheaper to bury a short person?.

This response also temps the brain into thinking, this is a threat, maybe I should back down. Perhaps the tall person dies younger as a result of living a more lavish lifestyle as a direct result of earning more money?.

Tall People Jokes That Never Get Old

When you’re told the same tall person jokes on a daily basis, you start to develop a game plan or strategy to return fie. Well, I know I do. But no matter how hard you try, the same old questions will come in day after day.

  • Wow, You’re So Tall. You must play basketball. No, but you’re so short I imagine you’re a jockey.
  • How Tall Are You Exactly? This one you can play around with, but a simple way to shut people down is to ask them how much they weigh. Not many people are confident about talking about their weight.
  • Do You Need A Sunroof In Your Car? No, do your parents drive you to school in a minivan?. While it is difficult for a tall person to find a suitable car, I’ve never seen a tall person drive with their head out of a sunroof.
  • Are Your Parents Tall As Well? No, but do you need to climb a ladder to hug your parents. Or with a serious face, no they’re not tall, circus midgets to be precise.
  • Is It Hard To Find A Boyfriend Being That Tall? This insult can be a little questionable, as it can be difficult finding love as a very tall person. But I found quite a nice comeback to this question as a tall woman. I’m the kind of lady that is put on a pedestal, without actually needing a pedestal.


Nicknames For Tall People

Nicknames For Tall People


We’ve all had nicknames over the course of our lives and unfortunately for some, they stick with you for life. Some people hate their nicknames while others embrace the new identity.

But when you’re a tall person, the nicknames people come up with can be pretty pathetic to be honest. It’s obvious that I’m tall, so is calling me ‘The Eiffel Tower’ ever going to change that.

Anyhow, here’s a list of some of the tall people nicknames I’ve heard over the years.

  1. Treetop – I don’t actually mind this one.
  2. Stretch Armstrong – Longer arms make it useful in certain tall people jobs. So I’ll take that.
  3. Daddy Long Legs – Insert your catchy name instead of Daddy. ‘Kenny Long Legs, Danny Long Legs’ etc.
  4. Brachio-saurus – One of the tallest dinosaurs at 13mtrs. Not only does this nickname mean I’m tall, but also extinct. Hmm…
  5. Everest – After the tallest mountain.
  6. T-Rex – If you’re tall with short arms. Yes it happens.
  7. Spaghetti – If you are quite slender, you may o may not resemble spaghetti.
  8. Top Shelf – Perhaps I enjoy my top shelve alcoholic beverages?.
  9. Moon-scraper – Because the sky isn’t tall enough when you call someone a skyscraper.

It May Be Funny To You

While the list of insults and nicknames for tall people could go on and on and on, I’ll stop it here. Plenty more available on the world wide web.

However, its important to remember, while funny jokes and insults can seem funny to you, it may not be to the other person. Remember its a real person underneath with real feelings. So be considerate when making jokes about someones height, it may end up back firing on you.

If its between 2 mates who banter with each other all the time, then there’s no dramas. But for a random tall person you meet at a bar, it may be a different story. After-all, tall people are stronger.

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